Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
I'm an introvert to the core. In fact, this button sums up how I feel in most social situations. When I know I have a social engagement coming up, I actually have to take a week to prepare. Like going on a ski trip or something. I have to exercise. I have to condition. Otherwise I just stare at people with no expression whatsoever (b/c expressions take energy) and generally scare them off. Most of my close friends are those rare types who are confident enough to know my lack of social peppiness isn't a negative thing. It's just an endurance thing. It's like that ski trip I mentioned. If you're not prepared, there's no way you can go for a full day on the slopes. If you're exhausted after one or two runs, you may end up in the lodge, feet curled under you, sitting by the fire, enjoying a good book. << That's me. I can usually go one or two "runs" with people, and then I escape to my "lodge" to relax. Breathe. Rejuvenate for the next time.
On the other hand, when I'm with someone I'm comfortable with, I can go for hours without stopping. I can stay up several nights without sleep.
Another thing I've noticed is when I have a full week of planned social activities, I begin to enjoy them, and it gets easier every day to interact with people. However, if I spend a week or two cooped up like a hermit, working furiously on a project, the thought of going out almost gives me hives.
So I was wondering, how many of you authors are like me? How many of you are total opposites? Will an extrovert be able to market their book better than an introvert? Does being an extrovert take practice, is it something you have to learn, or are you just born with it? If you're an introvert like me, how have you dealt with the submission process, finding an agent, going on a book tour, etc?
Hello, I am an introvert like yourself. Usually lurking in the background of most social events like a sniper, watching people, lol.
ReplyDeleteActually, for me, it all depends on what the event is about. I find that when it concerns writing, I can go on for days talking about the craft, sharing what I know and learning what I don't.
I think a lot of authors are introverts because we spend so much time with fictional people, who we all probably like better than most of the people we cross paths with in real life.
I think being an extrovert is a matter of how comfortable you are with yourself vs. who you are around.
Introvert. By a really wide margin. Love the button and I'd have one myself but then people might ask me about it.
ReplyDeleteI do think an extrovert will be more effective at marketing events since they won't tire as easily. I think introverts will be more effective at summing up the scene at a marketing event (since some of us are people watchers).
I'm just as curious as you are about the rest of the process after the writing is done. It just took me since November to get up the courage to join my local writers group.
I'm at the query stage right now and freaking out about potential phone calls from agents. I think I'm making myself believe it will be worse than it is.
ReplyDeleteI love the button too! Once in high school, I got so tired of people talking to me/asking my advice that I wore a sign around my neck for a whole day that read, "I don't know, but your stupid." And I didn't speak at ALL, just pointed to the sign when someone spoke to me.
I know, really mean, really really REALLY mean, but I was exhausted. And I'm nowhere near that mean anymore. (Promise!) But high school, I think, can be one of the most trying times for an introvert.
I often wonder if I'm going to "get over it" someday. I'm hoping to go to my first conference this summer, and I'm already nervous about it. But I think Jamal has a point. When you're passionate about the topic, or an expert in the field, an introvert can be just as comfortable as anyone else.
Hey there. In Myers-Brigs terms I'm an extravert - in the sense that I derive my energy from the world around me - although a strong degree of social phobia means I often behave as you describe.
ReplyDeleteI find my social awkwardness actually helps. Like a lot of comedians, actors & musicians, I LOVE performing - being behind a microphone, on a stage, in front of a camera gives me a sense of freedom - I'm in control - I don't have to worry about the awkward silences and the intrusive personal questions. I can just read and engage with an audience. That structure also helps immensely. Social gatherings in general are open-ended and that weirds me out. I never know what to say, and the effort of thinking something up exhausts me.
So I guess I'm a mix. I'm never happier than when performing to a live audience, seeing and feeling them respond to my writing. And rarely less happy than at a party.
I'm almost the very same way. I grow tired of human interaction almost daily. I blame it on being an only child. If I lived alone forever, for the rest of my life, I would be totally okay with that. I don't like talking (I don't often feel I have much to say), and I don't tend to seek people out. However, it proves to be a catch-22 with being a writer at the same time, because you're expected to network & pimp yourself out, so to speak. It's not always the most fun thing to do, but I've found that on my own terms, I rather enjoy intelligent interactions with my fellow writers...in small doses. ;)
ReplyDeleteShoes - I don't know if I'm the happiest on stage, but I've done stage since I was 3. Singing, acting, etc. But I'm better when I have a band behind me or other actors. I've done solo acting too and won a few awards even. Yet I'm EXHAUSTED afterwards. I guess the difference is, if it's something I really want to do, I'll do it, no matter the fear. But if it's something I'm not interested in, I had to learn how to say no for my sanity.
ReplyDeleteBex - It does seem like that's the trend now. Seems there was a time when authors could be famous and yet complete recluses. Not anymore. The industry is saturated and if you want to stand out, you've got to want it and work for it. Glad you found a community of fellow writers. That's something I will always thank Twitter for!
This is a very interesting post -- and issue. I've come to accept that I am an introvert (in that I recharge away from people, while extroverts recharge with people) -- but that I've trained myself to be outgoing and friendly. In fact, I've trained myself so well that people now laugh at me if I admit that I'm really shy and find talking to new people tough. I know why, but it still makes me feel a bit two-faced, as if I'm not letting people see the 'real' me.
ReplyDeleteI remember the exact moment I realized that if I ever wanted anyone to come talk to me, I would have to go talk to people first (sophomore year in college) and I so I practiced, imitating outgoing people and seeing what worked for me.
So I can say honestly that I'm now (really run-down emotionally) happy to go to a party and talk to new people. I'd RATHER be at home in bed with a book, but being out is fun too. So I've found a kind of balance.
Which is part of why I write too: it gives me balance between my interior and exterior selves. I'm not just in my stories in my head, but finding a way to share them with others.
Okay, some edits -- lordy, my brain is malfunctioning this morning... Third paragraph, first line should read (UNLESS I'm really run-down...)
ReplyDeleteFourth paragraph, second line: I'm not just LOST in my stories...
Time for more coffee. And please please please, whatever writing god is listening, let me have this problem! Let me worry about talking to people at book launches and signing parties. Let me figure out how to do school visits without dissolving into sweaty goo. I promise not to complain.
I feel like it's not my true self either. I feel like I have to put on an act to be socially acceptable. But I do it b/c I don't want others to feel uncomfortable. I know I've been the downer before. I hate that. That's why I try to "condition" myself before going out. Whether or not I'm uncomfortable, it doesn't really matter. If I've shown up somewhere social, I need to be on my best behavior. I definitely find it easier to do when I've been out a lot recently, but when I'm deep in a project, it's hard to switch my frame of mind.
ReplyDeleteBut yes, I promise not to complain either! :)
And in another step towards making sure I have something, I mean nothing, to complain about, I have entered Mary Kole's novel beginnings contest. You might be interested too: http://kidlit.com/kidlit-contest/
ReplyDeleteWhat do you think?