The Query Process

While I'm going through it, I might as well document what it feels like to embark on the query journey. Here's how it went down for me, in 60 easy steps:


1) Take an online query class before your manuscript is finished.

2) Graduate with a pretty good query.

3) Stick it in a drawer for 2 years while you finish your ms.

4) Realize once your manuscript is finished, your query doesn't make sense anymore.

5) Oh, and the query standards are outdated because you took the class 2 years ago.

6) Realize the publishing industry changes, and that's a good/exciting thing.

7) Sign up for Twitter.

8) Meet some AMAZING writerly-type folks.

9) Have them critique the *beeeeeep* outta your ms until it shines.

10) Sign up for C.J. Redwine's online query workshop.

11) That one's important. She's a query ninja.

12) NINJA.

13) In stilettos.

14) Submit first query draft to stiletto-wearing ninja.

15) Get first round of feedback.

16) Conveniently ignore feedback and binge on corn dogs and macaroni salad because query ninja just so happened to flesh out a MAJOR thread in your novel you forgot to reinsert after the last round of edits.

17) After a day of ignoring and bingeing, try to hammer out query draft #2.

18) Slave over it for several hours until your eyes are permanently crossed.

19) Sweat through about ten different shirts. (Antiperspirant is no match for query drafting.)

20) Hit send because you can't look at that piece of crap one minute longer. It hates you! It mocks you! It says you've got fat thighs, and you're a huge failure!

21) Veg out on the couch with several episodes of Gilmore Girls, noshing on string cheese and slurping Mountain Dew, while waiting to hear the ninja's response to query #2.

22) Chat with an author friend who gives you TONS of support and I've-been-there encouragement.

23) Forget every shred of encouragement the moment you stop talking to her. Because, let's face it, you're a failure! A fat one!

24) Start doing last minute reconstruction surgery on ms.

25) Check email on iPhone every 32 seconds even though there are never any new messages.

26) Keep checking anyway, and blame the nervous tic on all the coffee you've consumed.

27) Finally find out from the ninja your query #2 actually passes muster. Realize you have no idea what "good" is anymore because you totally believed it was crap.

28) Try to sleep.

29) Ain't gonna happen.

30) Send query to a few other people to make sure stiletto-wearing ninja hasn't lost her mind.

31) She hasn't. (She's a ninja, remember?)

32) Sweat through three more shirts while you finish those last minute revisions.

33) Have same author friend from before tell you, "It's TIME. Hit send already."

34) Start to notice a roiling, sickening sensation in your gut.

35) Realize it's the query-monster, trying to claw its way out.

36) Name said query-monster Renesmee.

37) Giggle about that one for a while.

38) Realize you have to STOP revising at some point and set this sparkly new query letter free.

39) Realize "revising" may have been a pretty word for "stalling."

40) Feel like you're going to puke.

41) Ask God why you're doing this to yourself.

42) Realize He'll be with you every step of the way.

43) Feel a teensy bit better.

44) There's that pukey feeling again.

45) Realize you haven't eaten anything in the last 12 hours.

46) Dinner = carrot sticks. (That's all that will appease Renesmee.)

47) Send last minute revisions to critique partners.

48) Hear everything's good to go even though you thought your revisions were pure and utter crap.

49) Try to enjoy your last night of vegging before queries go out.

50) Find you can't veg on anything truly delicious because Renesmee, the query warden of your stomach, won't let you keep it down.

51) Take a deep breath.

52) Realize you can do this.

53) Write a freak-out blog post to make you feel better.

54) Hope it's funny.

55) Realize it's probably not.

56) Realize you probably offended some people by using the word "crap."

57) Have a fit of maniacal laughter.

58) Catch your breath.

59) Close your eyes.

60) Hit SEND.



to be continued...



These are for you, Query Ninja. :) Thanks for all your help.



This is for you, Friend Ninja. You know who you are.