Hey, you! Wanna win some stuff?

Remember that novelty tee voting system I had up a while back? We tallied the votes, and I designed the top five slogans for a myriad of items: tees, hoodies, mugs, mousepads, stickers, magnets, etc.

You wanna see the designs?
Here ya go!


Coming in at #5, we have ADVERB SLAYER. Great for all those in the revision process, or for your favorite editor/English teacher.





There was a tie for #3 and #4, so here we have "It isn't talking to yourself if the voices in your head answer," and "What came first? The writing or the drinking?" (These are also great for those in the revision process.)







The #2 spot went to: "I'm not crazy, I'm just plotting."





And the #1 slogan in our novelty tee voting spree? "Writer's Block: When your imaginary friends stop talking to you."




Wooooo weeeee! Aren't they purty? Click on each item to see all the products available with that slogan. There are more colors and styles to choose from too. By making a purchase, you will be donating to our Nashville or Bust FUNd, which would send me to my first writers conference evah. That's big, yo. Like, life-changing big. So your help is much appreciated!

But wait, didn't she mention something about winning stuff?

Yes, yes I did!

We're giving away a FREE journal, featuring one of our designs, to the best conference story out there. Snagged an agent at a conference? Heard one of your favorite authors speak? Got your manuscript torn to shreds during a critique and ended up running from the conference screaming like a little baby? Tell us about it!

Just go HERE and leave your story in the comments section to enter. The winner will be announced March 5th, so hurry up and post!


And one last thing. If none of our designs strike your fancy, but you'd still like to help out, there is a donate button on the FUNd Raiser Homepage.

Thanks everyone! And spread the word!

Because I'm Awesome!

Starting the query process got me thinking about affirmation. More specifically, how I crave it and feel I can't function without it. I'm sure I'm not alone in this area, but it's really something I need to work on.

It's like I've got a little Lisa Simpson hopping up and down furiously inside my head:



For most aspiring authors, an offer of representation gives us validation, something solid we can point to, something that means we might actually have a shot at this author thing. But we shouldn't cling too tightly to it because if it doesn't come, we run the risk of sinking into despair, certain we're delusional about our writing talent.

Lately, though, I've been trying to snatch those little affirmations I get from my husband, friends, colleagues, and, instead of immediately sweeping them under the rug like they don't matter, seriously consider them and let them lift me up. If only for a few minutes. Because they DO matter.

And while we're at it, fellow querying authors reading this, we also need to remember to give ourselves a boost. This might be tough for you. It is for me. My inner dialogue sounds like a broken record, repeating the words: You're. A. Big. Fat. Loser. (Just look at my Query Process post.)

But I urge you to take a page from Dwight's book. When you're wondering why on earth you started this venture in the first place, tell yourself, "Why? Because I'm awesome! I AM AWESOME!"

Monday's Muse - World's Worst Titles

Perusing my Twitter feed this morning, I came across this golden nugget: a contest for Britain's oddest book title.

Huzzah! Some Monday morning humor with my coffee. Check out some of the finalists vying for the win:







and my personal favorite:



Runners up include: "The Origin of Feces" and "Bacon: A Love Story"
Previous winners: "Bombproof Your Horse" and "Living With Crazy Buttocks"

This little foray into odd titles got me thinking about my own YA fantasy title. It works for now, which is why I suppose it's called a working title, but is it too much to ask for a moment of sheer title genius to slap me in the face? I've tried research. I've tried ruminating for hours. I've tried not thinking about it, hoping for one of those I'll-find-what-I'm-looking-for-once-I-stop-looking-for-it moments.

Nada.

So today I'm asking you -- what makes a great title? Is it personal taste? Is it the words coupled with an awesome book cover? Do you gravitate toward one word titles more than lengthy Lord-of-the-Rings-esque titles?

What are some of your favorites? Some of the worst? I'd love to see some examples in the comments section.

Finally, a Fast Food Place for ME

This is a blog I wrote recently for my parenting website: PluggedInParents.com

I thought I'd post it here as well, since some of you readers might find it interesting.

Or not. Just sayin.



For the past few years, my husband and I have been on a quest to only eat humanely raised meat. (Meat that is hormone- and antibiotic-free, from animals that are treated with respect and care: no abuse, and slaughtered with the least amount of stress or pain.)

Every other month we make a trip to Whole Foods Market to stock up on steaks, chicken, ground sausage, turkey, etc. Whole Foods prides itself on only selling meat from certified humane farms, so we know everything we buy there is held to the strictest standards.

However, only eating humanely raised meat means going vegetarian at fast-food restaurants, or cutting out fast food all together. This is tough, especially when traveling.

But now we have an ace in our pocket: Chipotle.

Chipotle is a casual, fast-food, burrito and taco chain owned by Steve Ells, who believes in "food with integrity." Ells is committed to only buying humanely-raised meat for his restaurants, as well as serving rBGH-free dairy products.

In an interview in 2008, Ells said he decided to be an advocate for humane animal treatment when he visited one of his supplier's farms and was appalled by the conditions. "If people know that the food is based on abusing animals, how satisfying can that dining experience be?" (Oh how I wish more restaurant owners would have this kind of revelation. Most, however, only see dollar signs.)

Currently, 100% of Chipotle's pork is humanely-raised, 80% of its chicken, and 50% of its beef. That makes Chipotle the largest restaurant buyer of humanely raised meat. And Ells isn't finished. He plans to keep working until all Chipotle's meat comes from humane farms.

This is excellent news for me. Coupled with my iPhone, I'll never be without directions to a nearby Chipotle on a road trip again. And the best part? Their food is amazing.

Oh Yeah

Lookie there. Mystery book in my grubby lil' hands. Happiness abounds.

Book Search Help -- Book Found!!!

***UPDATE***

Thanks to a friend on Twitter, who had some connections with folks at listserv, my book was identified!

THROUGH THE HIDDEN DOOR by Rosemary Wells will arrive in my mailbox tomorrow for my reading pleasure. Over ten years of waiting -- it's exactly like reuniting with a long lost sibling.

Okay, maybe not exactly.

But I'm pretty freakin' excited.

Thanks everyone!



**********

Hello everyone in the interweb world! I need your help.

I've been looking for a particular book for over 10 years. As a kid, I devoured hundreds of books but rarely took note of authors or titles. This bites me in the bum when I want to add another children's book to my collection and I have no idea what it was called.

Here are a few tidbits I remember from the book:

It's about a boy who attends an all boys academy and befriends a nerdy outcast there who's always getting into scuffles with bullies. I think the main boy starts spending time with nerd boy because he needs help in a subject. Soon they become friends, which threatens to bruise the main character's popularity at the school. But he hangs with nerd boy anyway. Eventually nerd boy trusts the MC enough to blindfold him and lead him through the woods to a cave he found. Together inside the cave, they begin to uncover an ancient pygmy village. I think they think it's a pygmy village... It's an entire stone village for a very small people group...? They carefully dig it out, use brushes to sweep away all the dirt, keeping the village intact. They go there everyday, but the MC is always blindfolded. Then, at the end, the bullies follow nerd boy to the cave to beat him up. The MC has to use his muscle memory to find his way through the forest and to the cave all by himself to save nerd boy. The bullies end up smashing the pygmy village to pieces, but I think the MC makes it there in time to save nerd boy.

(I really feel bad calling him nerd boy b/c I loved his character so much in this book.)

I did some keyword searches and found a reference to the Dictionary of American Children's Fiction for the years 1985-1989. So I'm guessing this book was published between those years.

If anyone, anywhere, has any information on this book, I'd be so appreciative to hear it. It was one of my all-time favorites, and I'd love to read it again.

Monday's Muse - The Jonas Bros Love Me

One night, when I was in need of mindless online surfing, I went through all the songs on Playlist.com and found every one written about me.

Er, well, my name.

Let me tell ya, there are some weird Mandy songs out there. I honestly had no idea the Jonas Bros were so into me. I was touched and flattered. But besides their rendition, and of course Barry's, every other Mandy song is super strange. Perhaps that's why I haven't heard any of them?

If you need a procrastination idea, I suggest you do the same with your name. You could find a gem like this one: Oh Mandy by Spinto Band. Have a listen below. You must. You'll love. (Even though you probably aren't a Mandy.)

Then listen to the one by DJ Sunderland at the end of the playlist. It's a mashup of Supermassive Black Hole by Muse (Twilight Soundtrack) and my gem, Oh Mandy by Spinto Band. It's KILLER. The message behind the song? I, Mandy, am a muse. Therefore, this had to be my Monday's Muse post.

Enjoy!

(And if you find any songs starring YOU, post a link in the comments. I want to listen!)

The Query Process

While I'm going through it, I might as well document what it feels like to embark on the query journey. Here's how it went down for me, in 60 easy steps:


1) Take an online query class before your manuscript is finished.

2) Graduate with a pretty good query.

3) Stick it in a drawer for 2 years while you finish your ms.

4) Realize once your manuscript is finished, your query doesn't make sense anymore.

5) Oh, and the query standards are outdated because you took the class 2 years ago.

6) Realize the publishing industry changes, and that's a good/exciting thing.

7) Sign up for Twitter.

8) Meet some AMAZING writerly-type folks.

9) Have them critique the *beeeeeep* outta your ms until it shines.

10) Sign up for C.J. Redwine's online query workshop.

11) That one's important. She's a query ninja.

12) NINJA.

13) In stilettos.

14) Submit first query draft to stiletto-wearing ninja.

15) Get first round of feedback.

16) Conveniently ignore feedback and binge on corn dogs and macaroni salad because query ninja just so happened to flesh out a MAJOR thread in your novel you forgot to reinsert after the last round of edits.

17) After a day of ignoring and bingeing, try to hammer out query draft #2.

18) Slave over it for several hours until your eyes are permanently crossed.

19) Sweat through about ten different shirts. (Antiperspirant is no match for query drafting.)

20) Hit send because you can't look at that piece of crap one minute longer. It hates you! It mocks you! It says you've got fat thighs, and you're a huge failure!

21) Veg out on the couch with several episodes of Gilmore Girls, noshing on string cheese and slurping Mountain Dew, while waiting to hear the ninja's response to query #2.

22) Chat with an author friend who gives you TONS of support and I've-been-there encouragement.

23) Forget every shred of encouragement the moment you stop talking to her. Because, let's face it, you're a failure! A fat one!

24) Start doing last minute reconstruction surgery on ms.

25) Check email on iPhone every 32 seconds even though there are never any new messages.

26) Keep checking anyway, and blame the nervous tic on all the coffee you've consumed.

27) Finally find out from the ninja your query #2 actually passes muster. Realize you have no idea what "good" is anymore because you totally believed it was crap.

28) Try to sleep.

29) Ain't gonna happen.

30) Send query to a few other people to make sure stiletto-wearing ninja hasn't lost her mind.

31) She hasn't. (She's a ninja, remember?)

32) Sweat through three more shirts while you finish those last minute revisions.

33) Have same author friend from before tell you, "It's TIME. Hit send already."

34) Start to notice a roiling, sickening sensation in your gut.

35) Realize it's the query-monster, trying to claw its way out.

36) Name said query-monster Renesmee.

37) Giggle about that one for a while.

38) Realize you have to STOP revising at some point and set this sparkly new query letter free.

39) Realize "revising" may have been a pretty word for "stalling."

40) Feel like you're going to puke.

41) Ask God why you're doing this to yourself.

42) Realize He'll be with you every step of the way.

43) Feel a teensy bit better.

44) There's that pukey feeling again.

45) Realize you haven't eaten anything in the last 12 hours.

46) Dinner = carrot sticks. (That's all that will appease Renesmee.)

47) Send last minute revisions to critique partners.

48) Hear everything's good to go even though you thought your revisions were pure and utter crap.

49) Try to enjoy your last night of vegging before queries go out.

50) Find you can't veg on anything truly delicious because Renesmee, the query warden of your stomach, won't let you keep it down.

51) Take a deep breath.

52) Realize you can do this.

53) Write a freak-out blog post to make you feel better.

54) Hope it's funny.

55) Realize it's probably not.

56) Realize you probably offended some people by using the word "crap."

57) Have a fit of maniacal laughter.

58) Catch your breath.

59) Close your eyes.

60) Hit SEND.



to be continued...



These are for you, Query Ninja. :) Thanks for all your help.



This is for you, Friend Ninja. You know who you are.

T-Shirt Slogan Vote

Bria Quinlan and I are trying to get to the National Writers Convention for RWA this year in Nashville. How do we plan to raise enough dough? We’re selling some great t-shirts and specialized journals just for our fellow writers (and those who love or pity writers - you know you're out there).

Help us pick out the top five t-shirt slogans and stay tuned for the FUNd raiser!

You can vote below or go directly to the poll Bria created here.

(Sorry -- some of the text is cut off. The tagline says, "Sure, I'd buy this and send two struggling writers to Nationals (pick 5)" and the first option says, "one of my characters wants this non-existent t-shirt and this started the whole deal")